ByAlexis from Chatsworth, writer at
Official Creators parody account for Alexis from Chatsworth, #BJJGirls4Life, Margaritas, #Pizza, Bas Rutten's Number 1 Fan
Alexis from Chatsworth

It was last Friday night, I had decided to have a girls night, because let’s face it, Chris was being such a dick and I was like “Uh, you need to go eat wings and fart with your friends, or whatever, and I need some female energy in my life, stat!

I fired up the group chat and it was like time to get crazy with my chicas!

So, we’re at TJ O’Hooligans for “Ladies Night,” drinking it up, dancing, having a blast. Then of course, Megan, who can NOT hold her liquor, randomly decided Irish car bombs would be the answer to her emotional problems. I call us an Uber to take her to get a burger and maybe I’d eat a fry or two… or twelve. This is when things got mad sketchy…

We walk out into this parking lot to wait for our ride and you’d think we were in some kind of haunted house by how dark, dank and creepy it was. I took a couple of self defense classes (BTW Renner is so damn fine, I’d let him pull guard on me any day), so I thought I was prepared for dangerous situations like these.

Then, out of nowhere popped two guys with these dark jackets they for sure got on the sale rack at Marshall’s. They completely disregarded our personal space and began getting way too close for comfort.

“Hey pretty, you’re friend looks wasted, why don’t we give you a ride home?”

“You look like you’d love a ride” then they started to laugh, so I used that opportunity to try and run but drunk’ole’Megan made it so hard to get anywhere with her draped all over me.

Next thing I know, I feel a fierce grip on my wrist from one dude, while the other dude is pulling Megan’s Kate Spade bag right off her shoulder! It was in that moment that I realized my little self defense techniques weren’t going to cut it.

Then it hit me: BAS SECURITY.

A month back, I had seen this hilariously awesome show , and I knew living in a big city, I had to get secure, so the Bas Security app seemed like a no brainer. With no hesitation I reached in my purse and activated BAS, just in time too, as homeboy with the rank breathe approached me and put his hands around my waist. He was about to lean in and kiss me, when we all heard a loud “DANGITY DANG!” Next thing I know he was on the floor screaming “My liver! My liver!”

The other guy took one look at BAS and shouted “El Guapo?!? I didn’t know she had Bas Security. I’m so sorry!” and he fled like a little bitch.

Bas had cleared the scene of danger faster than that Aldo vs. McGregor fight! He was amazing! Our Uber finally arrived and Bas insisted on making sure we got home safe, yet I don’t remember him getting in the Uber, so I’m pretty sure he just jumped on the back of the car and stared at us through the window the whole time… now, if only he could have protected me from Megan drunkenly belting Bruno Mars on our drive home.

I can’t recommend this product enough, you can bet it got a five star Yelp review from this gal… and if Bas is reading this, thanks again El Guapo! xoxox

P.S. -- OMG, Bas writes too? Yay, now I can totally learn the proper way to kick drunk jerks in the balls! Thanks .


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